Ni hao !
Okay first of all, i know it seems that i really hopeless about job hehe
So last night, i browse some things that i never really browse before
And something came in my mind !
I think i have to start making a new dream.
Been to focused with how-to -get-a-job-as-soon-as-possible lately
And the new dream is :


GET MASTER SCHOLARSHIP IN CHINA ! :D :D

i know that its very impossible but you know there's always a miracle !
Bismillaaah, you know you can do it ifalifa :)

current status : jobseeker
ternyata bukan merupakan hal yang mudah yah proses ini
i felt many ups and downs
sebenarnya dulu ekspektasinya adalah udah dapat kerja sblm wisuda hehe
ternyata tidak berhasil
walaupun sempat super pede karena berhasil tes di slh satu perusahaan impian
tapi sayangnya tak kunjung diberi kabar ( makanya jgn sombong )
pressure dari eksternal hampir ga ada sih
paling rasa malu aja ketika ditanya " kerja dimana ? " hehe
tapi yang paling berasa adalah..
pressure dari internal maksudnya dari diri sendiri
dan itu membuat self esteem jadi turun banget
jadi kayak bertanya tanya " am i not qualified enough?"
jadi ngerasa kayak payah banget gitu kayak ga berguna
dan tiap ngeliat orang satu persatu udah mulai kerja
timbul rasa insecure terkadang rasa iri juga
i know i shouldnt do that !
but i just can control it
bahkan sampe ngebayangin kalo sampe ga dapat kerja gimana
huhuhu rasanya sedih banget :""""(
ifa akuin sih mungkin ifa dulu rada sombong
rada kepedeaan, merasa lebih banyak pengalaman gitu
padahal mau kita berencana kyk apapun kan tetap Allah SWT yang menentukan..
ifa juga ngerasa ifa banyak dosa
masih kadang-kadang bolong sholatnya ( astaghfirullahaladzim)
mungkin kemarin-kemarin ifa merencanakan sesuatu yang bukan wewenang ifa kali yah
mungkin kemarin kemarin ifa kurang bersyukur sama nikmat yg dikasih sama Allah SWT.
banyak banget mungkin.
semoga kedepannya ifa dapat titik terang
dan walaupun udah berusaha, harus tetap dipasrahin lagi sama Allah SWT
lebih banyak berdoa juga !

*hapus air mata*
semangat ifalifa !
doain yaaaaa :)

its funny when you thought
they're close enough
but actually
they tell about each other's bad things on other people

Remember about what i told on early April ?
About a promise that will be start exactly after me and him graduated ?
Unfortunately the time flies to fast
It's time for us to implement what we promise before
Promise to breaking up
Promise to focuss on career first
Promise to just letting the God decide whether we destined to be together or not

After 19 months together
Sure you know, that separation will never be easy
Deep in my heart, i scream i wish i never think about this promise
I've been really attached to him
I've been really depends on him
And it make me scared
Scared when know that my life will never be the same again.
And this feeling really make me crazy

He told me to be strong
He told me to not easily give up
He told me to commit for our promise
So I tried to control my self
But yesterday, i cant no longer control it
I said to him that i miss him so much
I know i'm too shameful
Girl usually dont say about what her feeling first

Sadly, he teased me last night
And today when i told about my problems
He started to act like we still together and gave me an intimate emoticon.
I DONT KNOW WHAT HE REALLY WANT ??

Does he know that i've been controling my self these 2 days ?
Does he know how hard it is to not call him just the way i was ?
He is the one who told me to decrease the communication
He is the one who told me to act just like normal not like couple

I'm confused
I dont know what to do
I dont know how to respond him

Hellooo,
i would like to announce that...
" I AM OFFICIALLY GRADUATED FROM UNIVERSITAS INDONESIA"
hahaha super norak bin alay yaah :"")
tapi alhamdulillah 4 tahun ini bisa terlewati dengan lancaar
memang bukan yang terbaik atau yang terhebat tapi harus tetap bersyukur yah.