Heyho !
So many things to tell but i dont have time to blogging yet.
Many big things happened in couple of weeks.
And as you all aware, i am entering last month before finaly start the school
I must say that i'm being truly unpassionate :(
Like my heart isn't belong here anymore.
Its like i even cant focus about what i should doo.

Lets cheer up faa.
Finish your responsibility and move on.

Again, questioning myself about do i'm really ready about the marriage.

Fallin' out, fallin' in
Nothing's sure in this world no, no
Breakin' out, breakin' in
Never knowin' what lies ahead
We can really never tell it all no, no, no
Say goodbye, say hello
To a lover or friend
Sometimes we never could understand
Why some things begin then just end
We can really never tell it all no, no, no

But oh, can't you see
That no matter what happens
Life goes on and on
So baby, just/please smile
Coz i'm always around you
And ill make you see how beautiful
Life is for you and me

Take a little time baby
See the butterflies color's
Listen to the birds that were sent
To sing for me and you
Can you feel me
This is such a wonderful place to be
Even if there is pain now
Everything would be all right
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day
Can you hear me
There's a rainbow always after the rain

Ohh, whoa

Hittin' high, hittin' low
Win or lose you should go, yeah yeah
Getting warm, getting cold
Weather could be so good or bad
But baby this is life now don't get mad no, no, no

Coz oh, cant you see
That no matter what happens
Life goes on and on
So baby, please smile
Coz i'm always around you
And ill make you see how beautiful
Life is for you and me

Take a little time baby
See the butterflies' colors
Listen to the birds that were sent
To sing for me and you
Can you feel me
This is such a wonderful place to be
Even if there is pain now
Everything would be all right
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day
Can you hear me
There's a rainbow always after the rain

Life's full of challenges
Not all the time we get what we want
But don't despair my dear coz I know now
You'll take each trial and you'll make it through the storm
Coz you're strong my faith in you is clear
So ill say once again this worlds wonderful and
Let us celebrate life that's so beautiful, so beautiful
Ohhhh

Take a little time baby
See the butterflies' colors
Listen to the birds that were sent
To sing for me and you
Can you feel me
This is such a wonderful place to be
Even if there is pain now
Everything would be all right
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day
Can you hear me
There's a rainbow always after the rain

This song always know how to cheer me up.
Yes faaa, theese things too shall passs
Manah katanya mau jadi brand manager ?
Masa ngelewatin kyk gini aja gabisa ?
Semangat ipalipaa ! You know you can do iy kaan ? ;)
Sehari menuju #BigBabolSerbuBandung. Doakan sukses dan lancaar dan jadi TTWW yaaah :""""")

Halooo !
Its weekend finaleeeeh
Just visiting Ayah Alii and as usual got many life lessons. :"")
Alhamdulillah ya Allah masih bisa silaturahmi sama kakek, bisa beliin makanan dan sharing2 tentang hidup :)
Anywaaaay, this weeek was such one of the hardest weeek during my time in PVMI.
Consumer promo start while i'm also jugling with event preparation and also something happened too.
Even in Thursday i came home and crying like a baby in front of Mama
Hell yeah growing up process aint that easy yaah :"")
And the issue wasnt something can be explained here but i just getting realize that you will always still keep getting obstacles in every aspect of life
Thats why its really important to stick in your values and doing only good things wherever you are :)
But anywayy, many good things happened too like preparation for Belitung Trip and also being introduced to one new man wkwkwk #tetep #genit
Yaah kebetulan sih emang lagi ga ada yang isi nih hati hahaha gelii bgt ipalipa.
Anyway one week left to Big Babol Serbu Bandung and 2 week left to Belitung Trip !
Letsss do your very bestt faaa ! :)

Just have a little bit too sensitive moment with myself
So my highschool best friends are keep talking about marriage and settle down etc
And i feel like a bit left behind
Like its a wrong way to think that settle down is still long way to go
I mean its not that i dont want to settle down soon
It just i've been trying so hard to stop making myself guessing wheres my the one, when will he enter my life and how he enter it.
It just hurt when someone said that " ati ati lo yg lain aja udah mau settle down peh "
Yes i know it then so what ?
Come on, i'll only be 23 years old this year.
Dont make me so burdened with this settle down thingy.
Its good if almost of my best friends already found their man, i'm truly happy for them.
Of course, sometimes i do feel jealous. We're just human, right ?
One thing i know for sure, my man will come when i'm ready for it. :)

And here's come moment when you feel literally tired
Seems like your efforts not working well
Seems like you cant do like other people expect you to do
Seems like your effort not working :""(

If we're still together yesterday was supposed to be our 26 in 26.
Tapi tapi kan udah engga ya
Maybe you even dont remember about this
So, why i still ya ?
Can someone explain why woman cant move on as fast as man ?

what if the situation is the woman always try to stick around
but the man always want her to let him go.
and thats hurt so much

" kangen banget :""( "
" i wish you could start the talk first "
" dont be too pathetic fa "
" ayok sabar sabar insya Allah bakal worth it "
" WAnya aktif tuh chat sm siapa aja ya ? "
" mau chat sm siapa juga bukan urusan lo kali fa "
" i still hope you're the one for me. "
" Ya Allah SWT , jika memang dia jodohku maka persatukanlah kami di waktu yang tepat "
" bodoh banget sih fa nangis melulu "
" why are you so miserable sih ? "
" udah dong fa jangan dipikirin terus "
" dia nangis nangis kayak gini juga ga ya "
" kok gampang bgt buat dia ya kyknya "
" ngerti alasannya sih tapi kan.. "
" yaudah ngejar mimpi masing-masing dulu "
" dulu dia yang bilang yah mau ngejar mimpinya bareng bareng "
" abis baca chat yang lama-lama jadi makin sedih ya "
" lo sih dulu pake mau pisah dulu, susah kan ternyata "
" susah sih susah tapi ya harus dijalanin fa "
" is he feeling this pain too ? "

- The most painful is being hurted by someone you love the most -

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife ?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net ]
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?


one of my current life soundtrack :"(

all i need is just a simple talk
but it seems too difficult for you to just chat or text me first.

current status : jobseeker
ternyata bukan merupakan hal yang mudah yah proses ini
i felt many ups and downs
sebenarnya dulu ekspektasinya adalah udah dapat kerja sblm wisuda hehe
ternyata tidak berhasil
walaupun sempat super pede karena berhasil tes di slh satu perusahaan impian
tapi sayangnya tak kunjung diberi kabar ( makanya jgn sombong )
pressure dari eksternal hampir ga ada sih
paling rasa malu aja ketika ditanya " kerja dimana ? " hehe
tapi yang paling berasa adalah..
pressure dari internal maksudnya dari diri sendiri
dan itu membuat self esteem jadi turun banget
jadi kayak bertanya tanya " am i not qualified enough?"
jadi ngerasa kayak payah banget gitu kayak ga berguna
dan tiap ngeliat orang satu persatu udah mulai kerja
timbul rasa insecure terkadang rasa iri juga
i know i shouldnt do that !
but i just can control it
bahkan sampe ngebayangin kalo sampe ga dapat kerja gimana
huhuhu rasanya sedih banget :""""(
ifa akuin sih mungkin ifa dulu rada sombong
rada kepedeaan, merasa lebih banyak pengalaman gitu
padahal mau kita berencana kyk apapun kan tetap Allah SWT yang menentukan..
ifa juga ngerasa ifa banyak dosa
masih kadang-kadang bolong sholatnya ( astaghfirullahaladzim)
mungkin kemarin-kemarin ifa merencanakan sesuatu yang bukan wewenang ifa kali yah
mungkin kemarin kemarin ifa kurang bersyukur sama nikmat yg dikasih sama Allah SWT.
banyak banget mungkin.
semoga kedepannya ifa dapat titik terang
dan walaupun udah berusaha, harus tetap dipasrahin lagi sama Allah SWT
lebih banyak berdoa juga !

*hapus air mata*
semangat ifalifa !
doain yaaaaa :)

Remember about what i told on early April ?
About a promise that will be start exactly after me and him graduated ?
Unfortunately the time flies to fast
It's time for us to implement what we promise before
Promise to breaking up
Promise to focuss on career first
Promise to just letting the God decide whether we destined to be together or not

After 19 months together
Sure you know, that separation will never be easy
Deep in my heart, i scream i wish i never think about this promise
I've been really attached to him
I've been really depends on him
And it make me scared
Scared when know that my life will never be the same again.
And this feeling really make me crazy

He told me to be strong
He told me to not easily give up
He told me to commit for our promise
So I tried to control my self
But yesterday, i cant no longer control it
I said to him that i miss him so much
I know i'm too shameful
Girl usually dont say about what her feeling first

Sadly, he teased me last night
And today when i told about my problems
He started to act like we still together and gave me an intimate emoticon.
I DONT KNOW WHAT HE REALLY WANT ??

Does he know that i've been controling my self these 2 days ?
Does he know how hard it is to not call him just the way i was ?
He is the one who told me to decrease the communication
He is the one who told me to act just like normal not like couple

I'm confused
I dont know what to do
I dont know how to respond him

ni hao !
after i tell some of my peer groups about what wuld happen with me and him
there were so many opinions
some told me not to do it
another ones told me that its your own choice fa
but mostly said that this decision will hurt as
" why bother taking a risk ?" they said
but you know, sometimes i do dont know the exact answers too
all i know its already decided by both of us
and none of us will canceled it
i'm used to to have unpopular decision
or different perspective from others around me
but for this decision..
i really hope, i'm not gonna regret it
i really hope, all the bad things they said wont be real
i really hope that i taking the right decision

Entah kenapa ngerasa kesindir banget bangetan denger omongan tadi
Iya sih ifa tau selama ini belum maksimal
Selama ini masih labil banget
Selama ini kerjanya musingin dia terus
Salah ifanya juga sih ga jelas temanya
Bahkan ga jelas maunya apa
Mana sok-sokan sambil magang lagi
Yaampun jadi ngerasa down banget bangetan
Sanggup ga yah nyelesein ini ?
Jadi takut buat nanya-nanya lagi
Takut jadi kerjaannya cuma ngerepotin aja.

:''''''((((((((

Ni haao !
Long time no write ! hihihi :)
Actually today is a public holiday
So i dont go either to office or campuss
And just staying at home all day long
Its really like in heaven

Anywaay, i wanna tell about my current side activity within this year
Are you curious enough to knowing whats thaat ?
*drumroll* Its Mandarin Coursee !
Wuhuuuu, i know i've been currently learning mandarin since 2011
Well i must say its not that easy you know
Many people said that Mandarin is one of the most difficult language in the world
Its true i think !
Beside we have to remember the character ( hanzi) , the tone and also the grammar
Honestly, i oftenly feel that i wanna give up
Or even think about why fuc*in i learn this language ?
But thats the meaning of learning right ?
When you want to be someone better then you must doing harder
I know i've been really lazy and sometimes not maximally learned
Last year i failed on level 4th and i decide to repeated it and promise to myself to learn better
Promise will always be promises
I got this internship and sometimes even dont have time to do some Mandarin exercise
I feel guilty, i feel like why i even more sacrifice ?
Next saturday, i will have my 2nd quiz
It has to be really well unless i could failed 2 times !
Get your spirit high Ifa !
Because you know, you can do it :)

Jiayou ! Fightiing ! ;D

everything is messed up recently

just got random thoughts !

did i spell the word right ?
oh yes i am
did i see the word with the same perspective ?
no, i am not

geez, too many things had happen with " family " this month.
could i just turn back the time and fix it before it become like this ?
oh, i wish i could.
or must i crying all night long and everything can be repair ?
of course not

SO WHAT I SHOULD I DO ??
soo far i just trying to pleased everyone specially MY MOTHER
pretend that everything's fine
i'm strong enough to got all of this, and so on

believe me its kindaa tireed :(
i do need time to cry .
i do need tme to feel exhausted .
i do need time to only think about my things.

ciao

.ifalifa